The news often paints a picture of a world without compassion — and at its worst, evil. The Bible says we live in fallen world, which began with our first ancestors. This is why Jesus came. We needed a savior.
As a result of this fallen world, most of us get wounded in life. We often recover with time, but some wounds are so deep that we are severely affected. We are depressed, we have anxiety, we live in fear, have trouble trusting people. If the pain is bad enough, denial is usually our first line of defense.
When the pain is really bad, denial may be necessary to survive emotionally. It can provide temporary relief and allow us to delay dealing with the truth of how we got wounded.
But long-term, denial will hinder healing. At least that was true with me.
I was once told by a pastor that I was healed on the outside but still wounded on the inside. He said it was like I was wearing a mask, but inside, the wound needed to be lanced, and the puss needed to be drained. This made total sense to me. I knew I was projecting an image to be able to work and to survive each day. But inside, I still felt broken and depressed.
When I first became a Christian and started my healing journey, my denial was strong. I really could not remember most of my childhood. I was encouraged to begin journaling and to try to remember bits and pieces of the past. As I did this, I looked at old photographs and started to remember. Piecing my life together. Little by little.
When I would remember an incident, I might start to feel the pain that I had denied for so long. I might even cry about it – for an hour. It was frightening at first, because I felt out of control, but after releasing the tears, it was remarkable how much better I felt emotionally.
It was a process. Little by little. Peeling back the onion of my life.
As a child, we tend to idolize our parents and blame ourselves for EVERYTHING. But looking at each situation through adult eyes can help reveal the truth.
I remembered the day my mom flew into a rage because I let go of a helium balloon that she just bought for me. I was four years old in a stroller. As it flew into the sky, and my mom was yelling at me, I felt so bad and so ashamed. But looking back an adult, I began to wonder —why didn’t she tie it to my arm? Most adults would not rely on a 4-year old child to hold on to a balloon, right? I started to realize that I did not need to feel bad or feel ashamed about this.
I also was encouraged to go to groups with 12-step programs, such as Adult Children of Alcoholics. I found these programs to be terrific for getting out of denial.
When I started going to meetings, I might not say anything for weeks, literally. But it was a non-judgmental atmosphere, and I started to feel safe — safe enough to start looking at my own life with new eyes — stop denying what happened — and turn a mirror back at myself.
Over time, I faced the most difficult parts of my life and came through more whole and without pain.
I still have the scars, so I still remember what happened. But there is no more pain, and I have peace with my past, because my wounds have been healed.
Disclaimer: This blog does not provide advice and is not a substitute for seeking a trained counselor. It reflects my personal experiences. I am not a trained counselor.
Dave and Laura Gore -- Yellowstone